Ayyy, Fantasy..."Fucce..."

The smell emanating from my "McCauley St. Bandidos" fantasy football draft on Monday night made me squeal like Cheech..."Ay, Fucce Capesta"....

Believe me, my draft was a green one, and not "green" because I made a rookie mistake. 'Green' because my fourth and fifth selections were just putrid.

I started off the ten-man league with the ninth selection out of ten teams. Most fantasy draftniks know that's tough slot to be in. You don't get what you want in the first round, which is so important, and you end up having to reach on a pick in the beginning of the second. With that in mind, all backs went 1-8. From Priest Holmes to Shaun Alexander to Jamal Lewis...right on down the line, which left me a pool to select Marshall Faulk, Fred Taylor, Kevan Barlow, and Dominick Davis...Yeech.

So, I bucked the system and shocked the world....I selected WR Randy Moss, who is a great player. Yet, I can't fucking stand to watch the guy night in and night out because he's a whiny, wacko, blunted out stoner, who I just can't stand behind. But fuck it right? I went for him and Kevan Barlow with the second pick. Barlow is fine but he was not the guy I wanted because I was too chicken-shit to gamble and push-up on selecting Rudi Johnson with that pick.

Although people have soothed my pain by saying that Moss was not a bad selection with what I had offered to me, but hat put me in slight panic mode to find a second back. So, what did I do....I then took a guy that I really wanted badly as a #2 receiver with Chad Johnson, which probably was a botch becuase it grew the panic for a second back. And that's when the bungle happened...The noose grew around my neck, and what's fucked up is that I'm the one who put it there....I took RB Chris Brown from the Titans as my fourth.

What's so bad with that? Brown is going to the Titans #1 back, and he had a good preseason. He also had a great career at Colorado, and Titans love him, but I didn't listen to the heart.

I gambled that my QB hope, Trent Green, would be there at fifth selection. He was my 'sleeper' pick last year, and I rode him to the Finals. Sure enough, he goes four picks ahead of my fifth round selection, and I'm left naked without a QB....Damn Yahoo! timed selections and random draft orders...More importantly, why did I puss out and not take him fourth! Believe me, I will be psychoanalyzing myself for that move for three weeks....

After that explosion, I went for a third back to soak up the wound. I may have reached too far, and I went with rookie RB, Kevin Jones. You guys have no idea how sick to my stomach I was at this point because that left me with a QB option of Marc Bulger, Chad Pennington, Brad Johnson, and Jeff Garcia....Yeech.

Well, I figured those guys were TV dinner selections, and wouldn't be touched until later rounds. So, I sucked it up, and I think I did fair with my last few selections. I rounded out the team with...K Mike Vanderjagt, TE Alge Crumpler, QB Chad Pennington, Carolina Panthers Defense, WR Michael Johnson, and two back-up QBs with Brad Johnson and QB Rich Gannon.

Out of those picks, I'm happy with the K and the back-up QBs, and I mean the lowly-rated Gannon with that one.

The good news is that I have the second selection on the waiver wire. So, if you have any tips on who to claim on the waiver wire. Let me know.

Here are this year's and this week's starting McCauley St. Bandidos. I'll release my other team's picks at the end of the week.

QB Chad Pennington - NY Jets
RB Kevan Barlow - SF 49ers
RB Chris Brown - Titans
WR/RB Kevin Jones - Lions
WR Randy Moss
WR Chad Johnson
WR Kevin Johnson
K Mike Vanderjagt
DEF Carolina Panthers

Nice, but not thrilling...This will be the year that I will master the art of the trade.

Draft advice: Don't panic and go with your heart....The most important selection is that fourth round pick. Don't fuck it up!

Moneyball,
BD